Dear sir and/or madam (please, delete as applicable)
We regret to inform you that your country of origin
Is just not right for our company’s business plan
So we will not be taking your application further.
Unfortunately, you also lack the necessary experience
And why should we bother actually training you
When we could hire someone from a better postcode
Who was able to do unpaid internships for a year or two?
Not that we actually would of course because they
Would inconveniently demand paid parental leave,
And for some strange reason no one else wants jobs
That they’ll lose when a new mum or dad returns to work.
Certainly, no doubt you could possibly relocate
But to be honest we’re just not willing to wait for
Someone who doesn’t want to join us because we’re cool
But because they genuinely care about what we do.
So the job has gone to someone thousands of miles away
Who gets to be exactly like you for a fraction of your wage;
And yes, we know you must be incredibly disappointed
But it’s alright because this letter was printed
On one hundred percent genuinely recycled paper,
Unless of course we sent you a copy-pasted email.